It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
