Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
