my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
