so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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