Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
