i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
