People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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