i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
