May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
