Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
