I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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