i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
