Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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