so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
