we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
