i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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