roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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