a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The adults are the big ones right?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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