so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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