my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
