I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
