is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
