I'm going to jail i love you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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