Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
