At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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