ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
