No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
