they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
