so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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