I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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