you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
