Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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