My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
