You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
