im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
