she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
