i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I look better un-naked...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
