med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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