i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
