well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
