dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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