after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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