I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
