I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
