I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
