Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
