Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Randomize
