whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
