Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is wine microwaveable?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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