I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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