the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
