mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
